Japanese Game Show

Seriously, America is lacking in the ingenuity and creativity department when it comes to game shows! This is a little over 6 minutes but it's a hoot!

Health Warning - Don't Swallow Bubble Gum

Wet Pants and Mercy

Come with me to a third grade classroom ~ There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and, all of a sudden there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!" Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too." May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Who will YOU dump water on today?

Happy 15th Birthday, Jaz!

This is my niece, Jazmine - isn't she pretty?!!! She turned 15 today. She is an AWESOME kid. She is funny, has the most tender heart on the planet and is one of the most talent drawers I've ever seen. She is very smart and will work with animals or animal research some day. I kid her all the time about that fact that I know I'll see her on animal planet some day! Happy birthday, kiddo! I love you!

In Loving Memory of Grace Fulton Murray

One year ago today, God took my Mom to Heaven. It has been one of the most difficut years of my whole life. She lived with me for the last 6 months of her life and I would not take any amount of money for that time with her. I so miss her being here. I miss coming in from work and spending time with her. I miss threatening to cut off her oxygen when she got on my nerves! I miss the banter between us. I miss the really wonderful talks we had.

I can't say for sure, but I think that as the first anniversary of your loss approaches, you begin to go back through the events that led to it. It has been that way for me. And that brings back the pain, except now it's greater because there was so much to take care of afterwards that I wasn't able to really pay attention to it at that time. So, it has been a rough couple of days. But, I remember all the fun/funny times, too.

My mother was a hoot! She had a great sense of humor and she was very smart. I wish I had time to tell some of the funny stories, but one stands out...when she was in the hospital after her stroke, the nurse came in and said, "Ms. Grace, I'm going to take your blood pressure." Mom said, in her slurred speech, "where are you gonna take it? Caught the nurse completely off-guard, who then burst out laughing. It was great!

I cannot tell you how much I miss her. My heart aches right now from the hole that was left by her passing. But, even if I could, I would not call her back from Heaven. That would be so incredibly selfish of me.....no, I look forward to the day that the Lord reunites us in Heaven....the place where we'll never be separated again.

I wonder things like how much time has passed since she got to Heaven. Time ceases to be in Heaven, but still I wonder, is it still like she just got there? Has she seen my dad yet? What was the reunion like with her Mom who passed away in 1968? Has anyone even seen her yet?? She DID get a new body, after all! Getting rid of that arthritis and congestive heart failure - did she hit the gate running and no one's seen her since? These are questions I can't wait to ask her!

I love you Mom.....see you soon.

Sneezing Panda

This is hilarious! Enjoy the chuckle!




Not sure what the appropriate response to the video should be? Here are two little girls who will teach you!

Encouragement For Today!

No matter what situations life throws at you... no matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...........remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

The Spoiled UNDER-30 Crowd!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ....uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of baaaaaloney like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that...I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a reeeeeal letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and completely mess it all up! I think the anger felt at that time was the model for the later "road rage!"

We didn't have fancy gadgets like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal; that's it, unless you could get the operator to make an emergency break-through! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent - you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, Mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids' and the graphics were a joke! Your guy was a little square, no really, a real square, not someone with a boring personality! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, OH WELL!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then there were only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! There was no such thing as channel surfing! You had to get off your rear and walk waaaaaaay over to the TV to change the channel. There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little snots!

And we didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a real live fire .... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it waaaaaaaaay too easy. You're SPOILED, I tell you!!!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Oh yeah, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.....

Wildlife Art Mosaic - Noah's Ark

This is just tooooooo cool! The mosaic is made completely of squares of different artist's paintings. Each tile, a one foot square, is it's own individual picture and each is done by a different artist. All of them together form this huge mural.You can click on any square in the mural and get the artist's name and any comments they make about their individual picture. Simply incredible! There are other mosaics too, but this was my favorite!

Noah's Ark

Encouragement For A New Week!

The Effects of Alcohol

After 6 beers

After 2 Glasses of Wine

After 2 Bottles of Wine (Uh, Shared of Course!)

After Too Many Margaritas

After 3 Kamikazes

After 7 Rum & Cokes

After 1 Large Purple Haze

3 Mega-Margaritas

After 4 Tequilas (Without the Worm)

A Woman's Week At The Gym....

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the sweet thing!) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and Model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY

Well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She sorta looks like a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY

I had to drink a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, which was fairly easy......then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a Hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screaming bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the Stair Monster instead. WHY would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by escalators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other ridiculously stupid things, too.

THURSDAY

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. It's not my fault that I was a half an hour late-it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent some little stick-like creature in there to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY

I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. EVER! Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her to death with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything else that weighs more than a sandwich! The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a drama coach or a choir director?

SATURDAY

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my diary. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of The Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today since I still cannot walk AND so I can go and THANK GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my Daughter (she is SO grounded!) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds....or CHOCOLATE!!!

Letter to My Pets

Dear Dogs & Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years all by myself—canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

And, to pacify you, my dear pets,

I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:


1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

  1. Eat less
  2. Don't ask for money all the time
  3 Are easier to train
  4. Normally come when called
  5. Never ask to drive the car
  6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
  7. Don't smoke or drink
  8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
  9. Don't want to wear your clothes and...
10. Don't need a squibillion dollars for college

Seniors Ode to Medication

(This is what I have to look forward to - too funny! I don't know who wrote this, but they have a great sense of humor about aging!)


A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so It won't stop.

A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.

The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills
Help to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know
Is what tells each one where to go!?

Your House As Seen By......

YOU

YOUR BUYER

YOUR LENDER

YOUR APPRAISER

YOUR TAX ASSESSOR

The Next Thing in Cars: Disappearing Doors

Eventually, they'll have someone carry us from our homes and just put us in the cars that drive themselves, and someone waiting to take us out! This is very cool!

Disappearing Car Doors

A Bathroom to Remember

How'd you like to walk into this bathroom in the middle of the night? Hopefully, you'd be sober when you walked in.....kinda takes your breath away huh? It's just a painted floor but I think it could still make you dizzy!

Water Your Relationships!

Know what happens to plants when you don't water them? I do. I won this plant in a raffle at work. I don't remember what this plant was in its first life, but it was really pretty and colorful and full. I won it on a Friday afternoon and I meant to take it home with me and put it outside where it could get some sun and fresh air.

I forgot to take the plant home and this particular weekend included a holiday so it was a three day holiday weekend. By the time I got back to work, this is what my plant looked like. It was not salvageable....I watered it and coaxed it, begged it and even tried to bribe it, but it was too late....the plant had gone to that great garden in the sky. I hated to lose it, but it's a good lesson.

Have you watered your plants today? What about your relationships? They need water too. Make a concerted effort this year to water your relationships. Do not let them dry up or die from lack of attention. Like my plant, sometimes it is just too late. Sometimes, watering, coaxing, begging or bribing will not be able to bring that relationship back. Why is it that we suddenly have the time and effort AFTER it is too late? Put the effort and time in while your relationships are still alive and thriving.

Go out today and water your plants AND your relationships!

Christmas 2007

Hey Everyone, A million trillion apologies for my absence over the past week. I'm now able to scratch Bronchitis off my list of things to try before I die. I'm still about to cough up a lung, but I am SO better than I was last week at this time. So, I'm a little slow at getting pictures posted, but here are some pics from this year's Christmas. Enjoy!

New Year's Day Prayer

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done really well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I've haven't strayed from my diet, and I have not lost my resolve even once to exercise. I'm very thankful for that.

So far this year, I have not been frivolous, and my budget is working out great! Thank you for the strength You've given me to persevere. But now, Lord, in just a few minutes, I'm going to have to get out of bed, and then I'll reeeeeeeeally need a lot more help.

Amen

New Year's Day 2008